Online Premarital Counseling for the Relationship You’re Building Together
For couples who want to communicate more clearly, understand the patterns they bring into their relationship, and feel more confident about what comes next.
Online Couples Therapy to Slow the Conflict and Help You Reconnect
Online Premarital Counseling for the Relationship You're Building Together
For couples who want to communicate more clearly, understand the patterns they bring into their relationship, and feel more confident about what comes next.
Online Couples Therapy to Slow the Conflict and Help You Reconnect
Your wedding may already be on the calendar. Or marriage may simply be the future the two of you have started talking about more seriously.
You care about each other and feel good about where your relationship is going. But that doesn’t mean every conversation is easy. Even something as ordinary as deciding where to spend the holidays can get surprisingly complicated.
One of you wants to talk it through until there’s a decision. The other needs some time to process. Before long, you’re frustrated, the original question has gotten lost, and neither of you is happy the conversation ended in tension.
That can happen when you’re building a life together. Conversations about money, family, intimacy, faith, or the future can bring up expectations and experiences you didn’t even realize could expose differences.
Premarital counseling gives you a place to slow those moments down and understand what’s happening underneath them. As you start to see the patterns more clearly, the two of you can talk through your differences with more understanding, respond in ways that feel more like a couple, and develop ways of communicating and working through differences that you can keep using long after counseling ends.
Your wedding may already be on the calendar. Or marriage may simply be the future the two of you have started talking about more seriously.
You care about each other and feel good about where your relationship is going. But that doesn’t mean every conversation is easy. Even something as ordinary as deciding where to spend the holidays can get surprisingly complicated.
One of you wants to talk it through until there’s a decision. The other needs some time to process. Before long, you’re frustrated, the original question has gotten lost, and neither of you is happy the conversation ended in tension.
That can happen when you’re building a life together. Conversations about money, family, intimacy, faith, or the future can bring up expectations and experiences you didn’t even realize could expose differences.
Premarital counseling gives you a place to slow those moments down and understand what’s happening underneath them. As you start to see the patterns more clearly, the two of you can talk through your differences with more understanding, respond in ways that feel more like a couple, and develop ways of communicating and working through differences that you can keep using long after counseling ends.
You Don’t Have to Be Engaged
You Don’t Have to Be Engaged
You don’t need a ring or a wedding date to take your relationship seriously.
Some couples come to premarital counseling with both. Others are dating seriously and beginning to talk about a future together, even though no one is choosing a venue or making a guest list yet.
Things between you can be going pretty well, too. You enjoy being together, you can picture a future with each other, and there isn’t one big problem pushing you toward counseling.
You’ve simply reached a point where the relationship feels important enough to give it more attention. You want to understand each other more deeply, talk more openly about what matters, and make some of the important decisions ahead with more confidence.
What Can Begin to Feel Different
Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
At first, the changes may be easy to miss.
You bring something up without rehearsing it in your head for three days. A difference of opinion comes up, and it feels like the two of you are still close even though you don’t agree.
There’s more room to be curious about what your partner meant instead of reacting to what you thought you heard. You start noticing when a conversation is getting off track and have a better chance of finding your way back to each other.
Decisions can begin to feel more shared. You understand more about what matters to your partner and feel more confident letting them know what matters to you.
And every so often, you’ll catch yourselves handling a moment differently without having to think so hard about it.
That’s often how change starts. Something that used to get between you doesn’t have quite the same pull, and being on the same team starts to come a little more easily.
Sometimes the Past Shows Up in the Relationship You Have Now
Some of what happens between you didn’t start with the two of you.
You may notice that it’s hard to say what you need because, growing up, keeping the peace felt easier than speaking up.
Your partner might hear disappointment in your voice and immediately worry they’ve done something wrong because criticism was common in a past relationship.
Even small moments can wake up old reactions. A shift in your partner’s tone, a question that lands harder than they meant it to, or a little distance at the end of the day can stir up feelings that seem bigger than what’s happening right now.
Those reactions can feel automatic, but they don’t have to keep running the show.
In counseling, we can slow those moments down and make sense of what each of you is reacting to. As you begin to recognize when an old hurt or family pattern has been pulled into the present, it can become easier to respond to each other based on what’s happening now.
Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
What Can Begin to Feel Different
Couples therapy can help when you still care about each other but keep getting stuck in patterns you haven’t been able to change together.
It can be hard to know when it’s time to get help. You may have had another argument Tuesday night, gone to bed frustrated, and by the next morning things seemed mostly okay again. But the thing you were trying to talk about never really got resolved.
Sometimes it’s the arguing that gets your attention. Other times, it’s how little you’re talking about anything beyond work, the kids, appointments, and what needs to get done. You may still laugh together and have good days, but there are also things between you that keep getting pushed aside because you’re not sure how to talk about them without ending up in the same place.
Couples often come to therapy when:
At first, the changes may be easy to miss.
You bring something up without rehearsing it in your head for three days. A difference of opinion comes up, and it feels like the two of you are still close even though you don’t agree.
There’s more room to be curious about what your partner meant instead of reacting to what you thought you heard. You start noticing when a conversation is getting off track and have a better chance of finding your way back to each other.
Decisions can begin to feel more shared. You understand more about what matters to your partner and feel more confident letting them know what matters to you.
And every so often, you’ll catch yourselves handling a moment differently without having to think so hard about it.
That’s often how change starts. Something that used to get between you doesn’t have quite the same pull, and being on the same team starts to come a little more easily.
Sometimes the Past Shows Up in the Relationship You Have Now
Some of what happens between you didn’t start with the two of you.
You may notice that it’s hard to say what you need because, growing up, keeping the peace felt easier than speaking up.
Your partner might hear disappointment in your voice and immediately worry they’ve done something wrong because criticism was common in a past relationship.
Even small moments can wake up old reactions. A shift in your partner’s tone, a question that lands harder than they meant it to, or a little distance at the end of the day can stir up feelings that seem bigger than what’s happening right now.
Those reactions can feel automatic, but they don’t have to keep running the show.
In counseling, we can slow those moments down and make sense of what each of you is reacting to. As you begin to recognize when an old hurt or family pattern has been pulled into the present, it can become easier to respond to each other based on what’s happening now.
What Can Begin to Feel Different
Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
At first, the changes may be easy to miss.
You bring something up without rehearsing it in your head for three days. A difference of opinion comes up, and it feels like the two of you are still close even though you don’t agree.
There’s more room to be curious about what your partner meant instead of reacting to what you thought you heard. You start noticing when a conversation is getting off track and have a better chance of finding your way back to each other.
Decisions can begin to feel more shared. You understand more about what matters to your partner and feel more confident letting them know what matters to you.
And every so often, you’ll catch yourselves handling a moment differently without having to think so hard about it.
That’s often how change starts. Something that used to get between you doesn’t have quite the same pull, and being on the same team starts to come a little more easily.
Sometimes the Past Shows Up in the Relationship You Have Now
Some of what happens between you didn’t start with the two of you.
You may notice that it’s hard to say what you need because, growing up, keeping the peace felt easier than speaking up.
Your partner might hear disappointment in your voice and immediately worry they’ve done something wrong because criticism was common in a past relationship.
Even small moments can wake up old reactions. A shift in your partner’s tone, a question that lands harder than they meant it to, or a little distance at the end of the day can stir up feelings that seem bigger than what’s happening right now.
Those reactions can feel automatic, but they don’t have to keep running the show.
In counseling, we can slow those moments down and make sense of what each of you is reacting to. As you begin to recognize when an old hurt or family pattern has been pulled into the present, it can become easier to respond to each other based on what’s happening now.
Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
Couples therapy can help when you still care about each other but keep getting stuck in patterns you haven’t been able to change together.
It can be hard to know when it’s time to get help. You may have had another argument Tuesday night, gone to bed frustrated, and by the next morning things seemed mostly okay again. But the thing you were trying to talk about never really got resolved.
Sometimes it’s the arguing that gets your attention. Other times, it’s how little you’re talking about anything beyond work, the kids, appointments, and what needs to get done. You may still laugh together and have good days, but there are also things between you that keep getting pushed aside because you’re not sure how to talk about them without ending up in the same place.
Couples often come to therapy when:
Couples therapy can help when you still care about each other but keep getting stuck in patterns you haven’t been able to change together.
It can be hard to know when it’s time to get help. You may have had another argument Tuesday night, gone to bed frustrated, and by the next morning things seemed mostly okay again. But the thing you were trying to talk about never really got resolved.
Sometimes it’s the arguing that gets your attention. Other times, it’s how little you’re talking about anything beyond work, the kids, appointments, and what needs to get done. You may still laugh together and have good days, but there are also things between you that keep getting pushed aside because you’re not sure how to talk about them without ending up in the same place.
Couples often come to therapy when:
- The same conversations about money, parenting, chores, family, or schedules keep turning into the same argument.
- One of you wants to talk things through right away, while the other needs time before they can talk.
- You still care about each other, but lately you’ve felt more distant or more like roommates.
- Hurt, resentment, secrecy, or broken promises have made it harder to feel close or trust each other.
You don’t have to agree on exactly what the problem is before you come in. One of you may be thinking, “We really need help,” while the other is wondering whether things are really that bad.
When Wedding Planning Brings Other People Into the Conversation
Your mom wants to know what you’ve decided. His family already has an opinion. Someone is waiting for an answer, and suddenly a decision that felt like it belonged to the two of you has a lot more people in it.
One of you may feel pulled between keeping the peace with family and standing by what you decided together. The other is left wondering, “I thought we already agreed on this. Why are we talking about it again?”
That can be an unsettling aspect of planning a wedding. You’re making decisions as a couple while also figuring out how much influence other people will have in the life you’re creating together.
In premarital counseling, we can practice what it looks like to check in with each other before answering, get clear about what the two of you want, and decide how you’ll respond when family members have opinions of their own.
You can stay connected to your families while also getting clearer about which decisions belong to the two of you and how you want to handle them together.
If family boundaries are already becoming part of your relationship, you may also want to read What to Do When Your Fiancé Won’t Stand Up to Their Family.
When Wedding Planning Brings Other People Into the Conversation
Your mom wants to know what you’ve decided. His family already has an opinion. Someone is waiting for an answer, and suddenly a decision that felt like it belonged to the two of you has a lot more people in it.
One of you may feel pulled between keeping the peace with family and standing by what you decided together. The other is left wondering, “I thought we already agreed on this. Why are we talking about it again?”
That can be an unsettling aspect of planning a wedding. You’re making decisions as a couple while also figuring out how much influence other people will have in the life you’re creating together.
In premarital counseling, we can practice what it looks like to check in with each other before answering, get clear about what the two of you want, and decide how you’ll respond when family members have opinions of their own.
You can stay connected to your families while also getting clearer about which decisions belong to the two of you and how you want to handle them together.
If family boundaries are already becoming part of your relationship, you may also want to read What to Do When Your Fiancé Won’t Stand Up to Their Family.
What You May Want to Talk Through Together
Why the Same Conflict Keeps Coming Back
Sometimes you know exactly what you want help with. Other times, you just know there are a few conversations you’d like to have with a little more help.
You may want to talk about things you’ve been wondering:
- Why does this one topic get tense so quickly?
- How will we handle money when we don’t always see it the same way?
- What happens when our families expect different things from us?
- Are we on the same page about children, faith, or what we want life to look like?
- How do we talk about intimacy when it feels awkward to bring up?
- What do we do with something from the past that still seems to show up between us?
- How will we divide responsibilities without one person feeling like they’re carrying too much?
When the conversation gets sticky, you won’t have to figure out how to get through it on your own. I’ll help you listen to understand, create a safe space for putting words to what feels vulnerable, and make room for each of you to ask for what you need from the other.
What Premarital Counseling Is Like With Me
I’m not going to hand you a standard premarital checklist and then work through it from top to bottom.
We’ll start with your relationship and what you’d like to be even better than it already is. Sometimes that means looking at something from the past because it helps explain what’s happening between you now. We’ll understand what matters, then keep moving toward what you want more of together.
I’ll want to know what you hope will feel easier, what you’d like more of in your relationship, and what you’ve enjoyed doing together for fun.
You can expect me to be involved. I’ll ask questions, tell you what I’m noticing, and help you learn healthy ways to stay with the conversation when it starts to get hard to say what you mean, easy to get defensive, or tempting to shut down.
I’m a couples therapist who supports your relationship rather than taking sides. I’ll make sure both of you have room to talk, especially when something feels vulnerable, hard to explain, or easy for your partner to hear differently than you meant it.
Want to know a little more about who you’d be working with?
What Premarital Counseling Is Like With Me
What Couples Therapy Is Like With Me
I’m not there to decide who’s right or take one person’s side. Sometimes you both come into a conversation wanting to be understood, and somehow you end up feeling even farther apart. I’ll help slow those moments down so each of you has room to say what you mean and a better chance of hearing what your partner is trying to say.
You won’t be left to have the same argument in my office that you’ve already had at home. If the conversation starts heading in that direction, I may pause you, help one of you say something differently, or check that what was meant is actually what was heard. Sometimes that small shift can make it easier to stay in the conversation instead of getting defensive, shutting down, or giving up.
At the beginning of many sessions, I’ll ask, “What’s been better since we last met?” I ask because I want us to notice the moments when something went a little differently. Maybe you got through a hard conversation without it turning into a fight. Maybe one of you handled something in a way the other appreciated. Those small changes matter, and they give us something to build on.
We’ll also talk about what feels most important to work on that day. It may be something that happened during the week, a conversation you keep avoiding, hurt that hasn’t quite been repaired, or a pattern that keeps showing up between you. Sometimes we’ll also look at how the families you grew up in shaped the way you learned to handle conflict, closeness, or difficult emotions.
I’ll be active in the process. I’ll ask questions, tell you what I’m noticing, help you practice new ways of communicating, and give you practical things to try between sessions when that would be useful.
I don’t use the same formula with every couple. Some couples want practical communication tools right away. Others need more time to understand why certain conversations become so difficult or why the same hurt keeps resurfacing. I draw from Gottman-informed strategies, solution-focused therapy, family systems, cognitive behavioral therapy, DBT-informed skills, and strengths-based approaches, depending on what fits the two of you.
Throughout our work, I’ll explain what we’re doing and why. I want therapy to make sense to you and to stay connected to what the two of you came in hoping would be different.
I’m not there to decide who’s right or take one person’s side. Sometimes you both come into a conversation wanting to be understood, and somehow you end up feeling even farther apart. I’ll help slow those moments down so each of you has room to say what you mean and a better chance of hearing what your partner is trying to say.
You won’t be left to have the same argument in my office that you’ve already had at home. If the conversation starts heading in that direction, I may pause you, help one of you say something differently, or check that what was meant is actually what was heard. Sometimes that small shift can make it easier to stay in the conversation instead of getting defensive, shutting down, or giving up.
At the beginning of many sessions, I’ll ask, “What’s been better since we last met?” I ask because I want us to notice the moments when something went a little differently. Maybe you got through a hard conversation without it turning into a fight. Maybe one of you handled something in a way the other appreciated. Those small changes matter, and they give us something to build on.
We’ll also talk about what feels most important to work on that session. It may be something that happened during the week, a conversation you keep avoiding, hurt that hasn’t quite been repaired, or a pattern that keeps showing up between you. Sometimes we’ll also look at how the families you grew up in shaped the way you learned to handle conflict, closeness, or difficult emotions.
I’ll be active in the process. I’ll ask questions, tell you what I’m noticing, help you practice new ways of communicating, and give you practical things to try between sessions when that would be useful.
I don’t use the same formula with every couple. Some couples want practical communication tools right away. Others need more time to understand why certain conversations become so difficult or why the same hurt keeps resurfacing. I draw from Gottman-informed strategies, solution-focused therapy, family systems, cognitive behavioral therapy, DBT-informed skills, and strengths-based approaches, depending on what fits the two of you.
Throughout our work, I’ll explain what we’re doing and why. I want therapy to make sense to you and to stay connected to what the two of you came in hoping would be different.
Is Premarital Counseling a Good Fit for Us?
Is Premarital Counseling a Good Fit for Us?
One of you may have been the person searching for premarital counseling. The other may have agreed to come but still isn’t completely sure what to expect.
That’s okay. You don’t have to feel the same about counseling before we begin.
What matters more is that both of you are willing to:
- Say what matters to you, even when it feels vulnerable
- Hear your partner’s perspective without having to agree with all of it
- Stay curious about what could help the two of you
- Be open to trying some new things
- Practice what you learn between sessions
Christian-Integrated Premarital Counseling Is Available
Christian-Integrated Premarital Counseling is Available
If faith is an important part of your relationship, we can make room for it in counseling.
That may include conversations about commitment, forgiveness, family, intimacy, values, or how your faith shapes the future you’re considering together.
I won’t assume you want faith included. We’ll bring it in when you ask for it.
What if we aren’t sure whether we’ll get married?
That’s okay. Some couples come to premarital counseling because they’re thinking seriously about marriage. Others aren’t talking about marriage at all.
They want to communicate better, understand each other more clearly, and build the healthiest version of the relationship they have now.
If marriage becomes part of the conversation later, we can talk about that too.
Counseling gives you room to be honest about what matters to each of you and what you’re still figuring out. My role isn’t to push you toward marriage or away from it.
Where Online Premarital Counseling Is Available
You can join sessions from the same place, or from different locations when life has you apart for a while.
I’m authorized through PSYPACT to provide online premarital counseling to couples in Connecticut and more than 40 participating states.
If you’re wondering whether your location is included, learn more about online therapy across state lines.
What if we aren’t sure whether we’ll get married?
What Progress in Couples Therapy Can Look Like
Progress looks different for every couple, and the first signs are often small.
A difficult conversation ends sooner. One partner asks a question instead of assuming the worst. You recover more quickly after a misunderstanding. It feels possible to enjoy an evening together without tension taking over.
When those moments begin happening more often, many couples feel safer, warmer, and more connected. Long-standing resentment, betrayal, or emotional distance can take more time, so we’ll keep checking what’s changing and where our work needs to go next.
That’s okay. Some couples come to premarital counseling because they’re thinking seriously about marriage. Others aren’t talking about marriage at all.
They want to communicate better, understand each other more clearly, and build the healthiest version of the relationship they have now.
If marriage becomes part of the conversation later, we can talk about that too.
Counseling gives you room to be honest about what matters to each of you and what you’re still figuring out. My role isn’t to push you toward marriage or away from it.
What Happens During Your First Session?
Where Online Premarital Counseling Is Available
We’ll begin by talking about what brought you to therapy and what each of you hopes will be different.
You’ll each have time to share your perspective without being interrupted. As you talk, I’ll listen for what matters most to each of you and where your conversations tend to get stuck.
We will also discuss your goals, relevant relationship history, and what would help therapy feel useful and balanced. I may also give you a practical exercise to try before our next session.
You can join sessions from the same place, or from different locations when life has you apart for a while.
I’m authorized through PSYPACT to provide online premarital counseling to couples in Connecticut and more than 40 participating states.
If you’re wondering whether your location is included, learn more about online therapy across state lines.
Why Couples Choose to Work With Me
I knew in graduate school that I wanted to work with couples. More than three decades later, I still feel the same way.
I especially like working with couples at this stage, when you’re still learning more about how the two of you make decisions, work through differences, and want your relationship to grow. You don’t have to be married, or wait until something feels wrong, to give the relationship this kind of attention.
I bring a lot of experience into our work, but I won’t come in with a formula for what your relationship is supposed to look like. I strive to understand the uniqueness of the two of you, what you already do well, where you could use some help, and what matters most as you think about your future together.
And I want our conversations to lead somewhere useful. You can take what you discover in counseling back into the choices, conversations, and everyday moments that will keep shaping your relationship long after our sessions end.
Let’s Start With a Conversation
You don’t have to know exactly what you want to work on, or even be completely sure premarital counseling is the right next step.
A complimentary introductory call gives us a chance to talk first. You can tell me a little about your relationship, what has you considering counseling, and what you’re hoping for.
There’s time for you to ask questions and get a feel for what working together would be like.
If we agree that it feels like a good fit, we can schedule your first therapy session. You don’t have to decide before we talk.
Schedule Your Complimentary Introductory Call
Prefer to reach out directly? Call or text 860-333-8773.
Want to know what the call is like before you schedule? See what to expect during the introductory call.
Why Couples Choose to Work With Me
I knew in graduate school that I wanted to work with couples. More than three decades later, I still feel the same way.
I especially like working with couples at this stage, when you’re still learning more about how the two of you make decisions, work through differences, and want your relationship to grow. You don’t have to be married, or wait until something feels wrong, to give the relationship this kind of attention.
I bring a lot of experience into our work, but I won’t come in with a formula for what your relationship is supposed to look like. I strive to understand the uniqueness of the two of you, what you already do well, where you could use some help, and what matters most as you think about your future together.
And I want our conversations to lead somewhere useful. You can take what you discover in counseling back into the choices, conversations, and everyday moments that will keep shaping your relationship long after our sessions end.
Let’s Start With a Conversation
You don’t have to know exactly what you want to work on, or even be completely sure premarital counseling is the right next step.
A complimentary introductory call gives us a chance to talk first. You can tell me a little about your relationship, what has you considering counseling, and what you’re hoping for.
There’s time for you to ask questions and get a feel for what working together would be like.
If we agree that it feels like a good fit, we can schedule your first therapy session. You don’t have to decide before we talk.
Schedule Your Complimentary Introductory Call
Prefer to reach out directly? Call or text 860-333-8773.
Want to know what the call is like before you schedule? See what to expect during the introductory call.